May 9th is National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day sponsored by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration (SAMHSA)! There are so many special “days” anymore, it’s sometimes hard to keep track of them all. But this day (and, in fact, the whole month) deserves our attention. This movement began in 1994 with the goal of “caring for every child’s mental health.” That’s a goal we can get behind anytime, but particularly if you look at the challenges facing children today.

In a nationally representative survey of 12- to 17-year-old youth and their trauma experiences, 39 percent reported witnessing violence, 17 percent reported physical assault, and 8 percent reported a lifetime prevalence of sexual assault. …. When looking at rates of exposure to traumatic events, a nationally representative survey reported that among 12- to 17-year-old youth, 39 percent reported witnessing violence, 17 percent reported physical assault, and 8 percent reported a lifetime prevalence of sexual assault. (SAMHSA).

When we think about statistics like these, our children’s mental health seems under significant attack. But the good news is there are things we an do to defeat those statistics and protect our children. Research also shows that children can have better outcomes, even when they experience trauma, when they have parents who are there for them, friends and community connections, and a chance to develop their own competencies. So as scary as the realities our children face, we can be the buffer that makes the difference.

The theme for National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day is “Heroes of Hope.” Here are some examples of those heroes.

The Native American Rehabilitation Association has created a Facebook page for their celebration of the event. Go here and take a look at their Warriors to protect against trauma.

Brad Meltzer is making his book, “Heroes for my Son” available online for this celebration. Take a moment and read it to your children.

Be a hero of hope! Here are some suggestions on how to do that. Even if you only have a minute, say something encouraging to a child you know. Even just say Thank you.

Below is a speech Brad Meltzer did for TED. It’s for all of us. Be a Hero of Hope today!

I have been arguing with myself about this post for the last two weeks. I had pretty much decided that my white, social worker voice had no place in the discussion about what happened to Trayvon Martin in Sanford, Florida. I would seem at best presumptuous and at worst exploitative if I spoke of this debate in a post. And then I read this article by KJ DELL’ANTONIA in the New York Times and I found myself rethinking my original position. This is a conversation we all need to have with each other, regardless of our race. But more importantly, it’s a conversation we must have with our children.

When I was growing up we lived in a rural section of western New York. There was no diversity in my high school or my neighborhood, although it’s hard to call my road a neighborhood considering the distance between houses. But I was a child of the 60′s with parents who cared about justice and equality, in principle even with no direct application in practice. So when I think back on the “talks” that my parents had with my brother and I about authority and police and respect, we got “the talk.” But it truly was a different version. The white version. The one that reminds you to respect authority and answer politely when speaking to adults or teachers or police officers. And we were told in no uncertain terms the consequences we would face if either of our parents ever heard of us responding in any other way.

But we were never told to be afraid for our lives.

My parents never had to instill in my brother the true sense of urgency that the choices he would make in regard to a confrontation with an authority figure were a matter of life and death. They let him know he would get his butt kicked when he got home, but they never had to make sure he chose correctly so he would come home. Only if you can truly understand that basic and horrible difference can you get a tiny little sense of this talk in black and white.

So where does that leave us? Hopefully talking. There have been so many posts and programs and pundits talking about this subject. That’s the other reason I debated about this post. I am sure it will be hard to be heard above the din. But maybe if just one family, of any color, sits down at the dinner table and actually has a conversation about race, it will be worth it.

Talk to your teenagers about race in this country. Have “the talk” with your black teenage boys and make sure that your white teenage boys know what that talk is about. When you are teaching your teenagers about respect and authority and honor, teach them to stand their ground for what is right.

OK, so you don’t think you really need any tips to parent your teen? Or you just think that you don’t need one more email cluttering up your inbox? Or you think we don’t have very good ideas about tips for you? With all of these being a possibility, we decided to tempt you with a little “tip tease.” If we give you a really, really good tip right here on our blog front page, maybe you would think it’s worth your time and effort to sign up for our Teen Tips where you will be getting one tip each week. So – here goes…..

Go Facebooking together. No, seriously. We all use Facebook as a noun on occasion. You need to go Facebooking with your teen.

It has been all over the news recently that some companies are requesting perspective employees to disclose their Facebook log in prior to being hired for the job. There is a lot of discussion about this issue, and we will be talking about those details in our next post. But when it comes to your teen, getting their Facebook log in information is a requirement for being allowed to have a Facebook page at all. You will have their log in – and you will “friend” them and be accepted as their friend. These are your two ways of monitoring your child’s Facebook behavior.

We can talk about the issues and discussions this will raise between you and your teen and how angry they will probably be that you don’t “trust” them. But what if you went Facebooking with them. Get online together. You might have dueling laptops or just bring your laptop over to wherever the computer is in your house (also another post in our teens and technology series). Then you log on to your Facebook account the same time as your teen does. Show them how you manage your privacy settings. Show them how many dumb things show up on your wall and what you do with them. Get them to talk about what’s on their Facebook page. I think you are getting the idea here.

We think of Social Media as a solitary activity. It never is – it’s just we can’t see the other folks involved, unless we are standing next to the computer.

See – good tip, huh. Don’t you want to sign up for our 52 Tips for Teens now? Just put your name and email address in the sign up form on the sidebar. Happy Tipping.

I am sure that many of you have heard about the latest trend for pre-teen girls to post videos on YouTube asking if they are pretty or ugly. Here is a discussion from ABC’s Good Morning American just this week. There are lots of issues being discussed around these videos, such as the insecurities of pre-teens, the importance of monitoring your child’s Internet activity, and the sadness that young girls will seek out the opinions of millions (yes, one video had millions of hits) of total strangers regarding their looks. If you listen to any of these videos, you can’t help but feel tremendous sadness. I will not be posting any of them here because I don’t want to give them any more views. But at the same time, we should also heed the warning.

RIGHT NOW!

Technology, social media, email, Internet searching – all of these things have one thing in common. They encourage an attitude of “I want it RIGHT NOW!” That’s because we get it right now.

And don’t start putting this attitude only on your kids. How long are you willing to wait for a search page to load? It’s part of our culture. The problem when we are talking about kids is that this attitude keeps them from developing some of the skills they need that will be important in their lives – like learning that the immediate answer may not be the “best” answer, and that finding our way in the world is often a process that takes time.

Help your kids learn to unplug and think. Critical thinking requires you to back away from the computer. When kids do this you may be surprised that they have a very different perspective about what they were so upset about when they were plugged in.

NOT JUST WORDS

The other interesting part about online reality is that it isn’t. It’s not reality – it’s a series of words. Many of the parents and professionals who talked about these videos and their serious impact on kids, suggested that parents should always tell their children they are beautiful. Sure thing. Have you told your teen or pre-teen lately that they are beautiful? How did that go? I am sure they immediately agreed with you and decided you were right?

Exactly. Words aren’t enough. When we give our teens words, we are the same as the online words – and, as we have learned, our teens will always follow the words of peers over the words of parents.

So what can we do? Lead by example. When you see a young woman on the street, do you comment on her looks? Do you say things about her weight, her hair, her face? What is our focus? Every action you take as your teen watches is equally as powerful as the response on their YouTube video.

Pay attention to the details and praise your teen for many, many things that they do right (and they are there, believe me). Each time you notice and acknowledge something other than their looks, you compete against those online images.

VALUE PEOPLE

There are at least a million ways that you can demonstrate to your teens and pre-teens what you value in other people. What makes you say positive things about people? What kinds of conversations do you have around the dinner table (if you do, of course – and why you should is another post)? What do your kids hear you talk about when you are referencing others? That is what they will begin to value or not value in themselves.

LOVE THEM

Don’t get the idea that you shouldn’t tell them you love them with words. Never forget to say it over and over and over – without condition. It really does work.

There is always so much talk about New Year’s Resolutions and we break most of them within hours after we make them. Just what does that say about us? I suspect only that we are human. It seems like a good idea to reflect on why we make New Year’s Resolutions, and then maybe we can figure out why we break them.

Why we make them

Almost all of us have a great desire to do better. We want to improve our lives, be thinner, be nicer, care more. The desire is sincere. The wanting it to be different is what drives so many New Years Resolutions. As much as I hesitate to point this out, we did spend a whole bunch of time last year talking about living in the present. Much of what drives us to make New Years Resolutions is our inability to do just that.

Here and now is nice and everything, but there must be somewhere, sometime that will be better, nicer, richer, happier or whatever. The biggest problem we have is our inability to stop and look at what we have right not – where we are right now – and who is next to us right now. Maybe we would be better off if our New Year’s Resolution would be to be thankful for what we have and where we are right this minute.

Why we Break Them

So – we are driven to make New Year’s Resolutions. Why are we driven to break them? If we think about it, the reason is basically the same. With our drive to be better in the future than we have been in the past we have totally neglected to see the NOW. But now definitely catches up with us. While we want to be thinner or nicer or whatever, all of the things in the present that get in our way of making that happen haven’t gone away. They are still there, staring us in the face (like that wonderful cake at my recent family baptism). Until we stay in the present in order to appreciate what we have and learn how to change what we don’t like, the future we want is only a dream.

To become different we have to embrace who we are now. A little bit of irony.

Here are Underdue Social Services, lots of emails come around during the holidays with great information. Here is one to share with all of you. It’s a bit of really good advice for Thanksgiving Dinner.

Apr 26, 2011 | By B. Lynn

Ms. Lynn is an educator and freelance writer living in Pennsylvania. She has been writing professionally for three years and is a graduate of the Institute for Children’s Literature. She writes for many niches including education, health, and beauty. You can contact her at b.lynn10@hotmail.com.

Thanksgiving is all about giving gratitude for everything you have and appreciating the people in your life. Families come together to celebrate each other, give thanks and have a big feast together. Traditional Thanksgiving meal favorites are turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potato pie, pumpkin pie, rolls and alcohol. Thanksgiving dinner can easily spoil a diet or just leave you feeling stuffed, bloated and unable to partake in the merriment of the holidays. Thanksgiving also marks the beginning of the holiday season, so overeating on this day can set you on course to gain excess weight throughout the next month or two.

Step 1

Eat a healthy, sensible breakfast and lunch. Many people choose to starve themselves through the day so they can have more room for the scrumptious meal. This will lead to binge eating. Instead, have a small, healthy breakfast and lunch. Drink water throughout the day to keep you from overeating or consuming empty calories from soda or alcohol. This will help you feel more satisfied so you won’t overeat at dinner.

Step 2

Chew your meal slowly. Thanksgiving is the ideal time to sit down, eat your meal slowly and relish every bite. You will feel fuller faster, which will help you avoid overeating. Food is a wonderful part of Thanksgiving, but so is spending time with family and friends. Put down the fork for a few minutes, join the conversation, and you will eat less without noticing it.

Step 3

Use smaller plates. Depending on where you go for Thanksgiving it may be impossible, but if you are the host or your family doesn’t mind, consider grabbing a smaller plate for your meal. You will feel like you are eating more than your actually are and will be less likely to overeat.

Step 4

Create a tiny, portioned smorgasbord. Between all of the delectable food, your great aunt asking if you tried her pie yet, and all of the goodies being passed your way, it is easy to be tempted to eat everything. Instead of having a big meal of turkey and potatoes and then trying everything else on top of it, have a little bit of everything. On most days, you should try to eat more vegetables and fruits than anything else, but on Thanksgiving, make your goal to avoid overeating. Allow yourself a spoonful or two of everything you love, pass over what you don’t. You will end up feeling satisfied and will get to try everything you want without stuffing yourself silly.

Article reviewed by Elizabeth Ahders Last updated on: Apr 26, 2011

All of us have memories of various times in our lives.  Sometimes they are of good times and special, fun events.  Sometimes they are memories of sad times or loss.  Experiencing your present moments doesn’t mean that you have no memories.  On the contrary, it is often things that happen now that remind us of things that happened a long time ago.  Memories are important in defining who we are. Letting ourselves remember other times is part of embracing all of our life experiences, good and bad.  We are not trying with these exercises to get you to leave your past behind.  We are trying to get you not to live there.

When you work to stay in the present, you are really working to create memories. I read about a middle aged man who always thought his father should have taken the time to fix the cruddy bathroom in their house. Somehow he never got around to it. Instead they spent time as a family taking trips or enjoying picnics and time together. He decided as an adult that it wasn’t very likely he would have sat around remembering the wonderful bathroom in his home the same way he sat around and remembered those great family vacations. When you stop and pay attention to the now, you are creating memories – for you, your children and your family. I suspect if we thought about that each time we were trying to decide what to do next, we might make very different decisions.

So the point here is to use the present to create the memories that you can embrace as you move into the next present moment. Remember your past, experience the present and create the future. Don’t live in the past and miss the present, thereby creating a future you don’t want. Or, don’t be so concerned about the future that you miss both your past and your present. It’s about balance, folks. If you stay in the present, you can turn and look both directions. It’s kind of a circle of life thing. Yeah, corny I know. But just because it’s corny doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

So, your exercise for today – look at everything you do for the next week and think about how your child, spouse or family will think about that very same event 10 years from now, 20 years from now, when you are talking to your grandchildren. “In every deliberation which must consider the impact of our deliberations on the next seven generations.” This quote is often attributed to the The Great Law of the Iroquois Confederacy. Maybe we need to start using that rule to measure our present moments.

I am being asked this question a lot lately. Some might say it goes with the territory, as my work involves talking about and understanding feelings. But it’s important to look closer at both the question and my answer.

We all have situations and experiences that challenge us throughout our lives. When we face illness in our family, problems with a spouse or child, or difficulties on our job. The most common question we will get asked during those times of challenge is some version of “How are you feeling?” It may come in the form of the simple “How are you?” or it can be more direct, such as “Are you OK?” The main point of the question is to find out how you feel.

Some folks, including children or other family members who really want to know how you feel are very reluctant to ask. So they watch you. They pay special attention to your body language or they listen to how you go off the handle about really, really stupid stuff when you didn’t used to do that. And they then assume they know how you feel.

You are probably asking yourself when I plan to get around talking about staying in the present. Well, this is it.

If we were interested in stopping and being in the moment, we would answer the question. Instead, we keep moving, or distract the conversation to something else, or offer the single most common answer to the question – “Fine.”

What would happen if we sat down and really answered the question? I have been very guilty of using the “Fine” response. In fact, I probably have more ways I can say that word than most of the people I know. And it’s never an answer. It’s an excuse not to be in the present. It lets me put off looking at my feelings, avoid sharing with a friend or family member who cares about me, or actually letting myself feel.

My mother was diagnosed some years ago with a terminal lung disease. She has managed very well for the last several years, but we are now beginning to see a deterioration. I am amazingly impressed with my Mother’s style as she faces the last stage of her life with directness, dignity and humor. After watching her for a few weeks now, I have decided that I can no longer just answer “Fine.”

Part of a willingness to be in the moment is to recognize that those moments are sometimes painful, but when you allow yourself to experience them the reward is beyond measure. I am embracing my sadness as I spend these precious present moments with my Mom. I wouldn’t trade the present for anything.

Stop, Drop and Breath

There is simple fire safety technique called Stop, Drop and Roll. You remember it. You probably heard it yourself when you were in school. If your (or someone else’s) clothing catches on fire, it’s important to keep your wits about you and remember to “stop, drop and roll”. The concept came about because people faced with this situation felt panic and started running around frantically, thereby making the situation even worse. Pause and remember the saying. Stop, drop to the ground and roll to put out the fire.

I am sure at this point you have to be asking yourself what this has to do with saying in the present. Well, I have decided to change the saying just a little and we are going to try a month of “Stop, Drop and Breath.” Today we all spend a great deal of our time running around like we are on fire. We have to get the children to the next event, game, or lesson. We are late for our choir practice or our community meeting. We have to get home to help our teenager with their homework (after we study up on the subject ourselves a bit first). We are constantly in motion.

When you are constantly moving it is very difficult to experience the present. Your mind is on the next place you have to be, the location of your car keys, the directions to the meeting, or the list you have to be sure gets accomplished. You are either thinking about what you haven’t done yet or what you will be doing next. But what are you doing right NOW?

So we are all going to begin using “Stop, Drop and Breath.”

First you stop. I know, I know, you are late. You don’t have to stop for 3 hours, just 3 minutes. Then you Drop. This could mean a lot of things. You might just drop that arm full of stuff you have been carrying around because you know you have to have all of it with you at all times. You might just drop into a chair. I know, I know, you are late. You don’t have to drop in the chair for 3 hours, just 3 minutes. After you drop into the chair you have interrupted the constant motion that has been moving you up to this point. Then you breath. Now, the breathing thing may seem obvious to you. “I’m already breathing, you are thinking.” Well, sort of. Most of us breath using a small portion of our lung capacity. We really mostly puff. Small little shallow breaths that we know won’t take a lot of time and will just get us enough energy to get to the next place or complete the next task.

I have gotten much more aware of breathing since my Mom developed a lung condition. She would love to be able to take deep breaths. It’s made me much more aware of breathing deeply. That’s the kind of breathing I am talking about here. It’s the kind of breathing where you count to 10 on the inhale and 10 on the exhale. Try it. You will find that we breath that way very rarely in our everyday routine. You might find it feels kind of good.

When you breath – that is really breath – you are forced to notice your present. You hear things you hadn’t paid any attention to when you were moving. You notice how your shoulders feel and how tight your neck muscles are. Depending on where that chair is that you “dropped” into, you might actually hear the wind, or a bird, or even children playing. And you just might find out something about your surroundings or yourself. It’s amazing what happens when you experience you precious present moments.

I know, I know, you are late. You don’t have to breath for 3 hours, just 3 minutes. And trust me. This may be the best 9 minutes you have spent in awhile.

When we had all storms and tornadoes in the spring, I bought a weather radio. I heard about people who were sleeping soundly and suddenly found themselves in the midst of a terrible tornado. That sounded pretty scary, so I thought I should be warned if one was approaching.

After about 2 months I was wondering if it was such a good idea. The warning would go off, waking me up from a dead sleep or shooting me off my chair in my office while I was working. I started looking forward to summer when we had fewer spring storms and the radio wouldn’t go off as much.

Then summer came, and it was unbearably hot. Everyone talked about how hot they were at least once a day! Worst heat in years! We started having dreams about cool weather and gentle snow fall (maybe some of us). The plants were being seared, the grass was getting brown and I was really tired of sweating. One morning I even thought how wonderful it would be to hear that weather radio go off again.

In the last 48 hours the temperature has dropped 20 degrees! Wow – finally it would cool off and we could be comfortable again. I walked outside this morning and thought about how cold the wind was! Man, it’s great that it’s cooler, but what happened to that moderate temperature??

This is a great example of not living in the present.

Almost all of us have some trouble living in the present. We think about things we did (or didn’t do) in our past, or perhaps just wonder how things will work out in the future. Why didn’t I say that better to my child or teen or spouse? If only I had thought before I spoke to my mother. Why did I say that to my boss? Will I get that promotion I really want? Will I get a job? Does my teen have good enough grades to get into college? Can we afford college? Are we putting enough away for our retirement?

There is a lot going on in our world right now that causes us to have concerns and to wonder about our future or second guess our past. Our mind is often anywhere but in the here and now.

For just a moment, though, I would ask you to consider what you miss when you spend your time in this way. You miss the joke your teenager just told (when they don’t tell jokes very often). You missed that story your 8 year old was sharing about the new thing they learned in school. You missed your spouse’s look of disappointment when you didn’t hear a word they said. You missed the rainstorm that cooled off the weather, the sunshine on a butterfly’s wings, or the trees swaying in the breeze. You are missing the present.

I know this probably sounds like that old Pollyanna movie. But just take a minute and stay in the present. Listen to all of the sounds around you. Take a deep breath and smell all of the smells around you (even if you are at work). Let your shoulders relax and feel all the muscles in your neck. For just a few moments, be in the present.

I would like to suggest that we can all gain a great deal from spending just a few moments each day in the here and now! That means you force all of those worries, or to do lists, or appointments out of your mind for just a little while. You might be surprised what you find. I believe you will find yourselves doing it more and more, for longer and longer periods of time. Try it when you children come home from school – or your spouse from work. Try it when you answer the phone.

Living in the present is the best way I know to truly appreciate the wonder of our lives. The next series of posts will be about how to keep living in the present.