You direct them one way, they go the other. You call them, they run away. You shoo them toward the food or away from the door. They refuse the food and get caught as the door closes. When you really would love to have a cat in your lap to pet, you will never find them anywhere. When you need to get up and do some work, that’s when they are purring right next to you. Imagine if you had more than one?
Hmmmmmm….. Sound a lot like parenting a teen?
When you encourage them in one direction, they chose the exact opposite. You want them to eat healthy food and then you find donut wrappers in their room. When you want to have a conversation about something important, they have to go right away to meet their friends. When you are late from work and have an important presentation the next day, all you hear about is how you never have time for them. Imagine if you had more than one?
Hmmmmmm….. Sound a lot like herding cats?
So, can we learn something from cats that will help us parent our teenagers? You bet.
Learn Teen Timing
With cats, we learn to follow their pace and let them lead. We know early on as cat owners, that they will train us, not the other way around. So we enjoy our chance to be close when they allow it.
Teen timing is a bit like that. When your teen seems available to you – that means not only is he or she in the room, but they might actually be looking at you – talk. It doesn’t have to be a long speech or instruction. It can be a single statement. They hear you even when they act like they don’t.
Learn Teen Thinking
Many cat owners maintain that cats have a unique thinking process. It’s a bit like how cats find their way around your house. They don’t walk down the hall and into the next room. The slide under the dining room table and go over against the wall and then slip up the stairs when you happen to be looking the other way.
Teenagers often seem to think the same way. They make connections between things that will seem to come out of the blue to you. You thought you were talking about school work and suddenly they are talking about a crazy thing one of their friends did. Yes, sometimes this is simply trying to distract you. Other times it really is the way their brain thinks. Try not to look so surprised and follow the conversation. You can always bring it back to your stuff. The important part is that you get there eventually, not necessarily that you get there your way.
Learn Teen Feelings
Cats work very hard to convince you they don’t have any feelings and could care less what you do. What, you want something? Why should I care? What’s in it for me?
Teens work very hard to convince you they don’t have any feelings and could care less what you do. That is until you do something they don’t like, or their boyfriend/girlfriend dumps them, or you criticize their outfit, or you need them to finish their chores…… That’s when you see emotion, but not necessarily feelings.
Talking about feelings? Your teen talking about feelings? Yep, it does happen. But not at the moment of the emotion from whatever the event. The feeling talk will come later. The best advice for parents of teens is to suggest that you be available. You will be surprised when the opportunity comes.
Timing, thinking, feeling. Hmmmmm…. Maybe we can learn a few things from our feline friends.
