TYPES OF TALK: Less Talk
Silence is golden – sometimes. There are moments when your teen expects you to come out with a whole lot of words and a whole lot of emotions. What would happen if you just didn’t?
Obviously we are not talking about moments of grave danger for your teen or when you have to respond to the request for permission to do something in the next 24 hours. We are referring to the moment when you know exactly what you want to say, must say, feel about what you want to say, probably have said before and…..your teen is not the least bit interested in hearing it.
What if you didn’t say anything? Just don’t talk.
We are not referring here to the “silent treatment.” You know the silent treatment. That’s when you communicate your anger by your silence, withholding your opinion or feelings in order to frustrate or control someone else. Here, we aren’t talking about using silence to punish someone. Instead, even though you have strong opinions and feelings about the situation, you purposely and calmly choose not to. You choose Less Talk as a way to keep communication open with your teen.
As an example, let’s say your teen has just announced they are going to become a rap artist and make millions of dollars. That means they don’t have to finish high school, let alone go to college. This goal is proclaimed with conviction and certainty. I don’t even need to tell you all of the things that would come to a parent’s mind when hearing this statement. Here are some possibilities:
“You what?”
“I don’t think so.”
“There are a million who try for every one who succeeds.”
“Why don’t you finish school first? Is your homework done?”
I am sure many more came to your mind. But what if you said almost nothing? What if you said something like “Really?” That’s the calmly interested “Really” not the “Are you Kidding me Really?”
What if you just “humphed” in a non-judgmental way?
What if you said nothing and just waited to see what happened?
I am not suggesting this strategy if your teen has a suitcase packed and is getting ready to board a bus that will take them all the way to Hollywood. But short of that, you can probably keep your opinion out of the process at this point and win a few “humph” points with your teen. Maybe they will be more likely to come and talk to you about alternative thinking later when they change their mind.
We are providing a chart with certain typical teen behaviors and a space for you to decide what “type of talk” you want to try in response. It may get you thinking as you read through the types and topics. Click here to download the chart.
