The question most teens dread the most is “How do you feel about that?” All of you can see the eye-roll already just hearing the question. The trick to talking about feelings with your teen is to admit to your own. Parents work really hard to try and get teens to talk about their feelings. Parents are also good at telling teens when they have feelings (usually negative) related to them. Telling them how they should feel is also something parents do quite well. Do you talk about the feelings you have that are unrelated to your teen?
Here are a few examples of what might come up and feel appropriate.
1. While you are making dinner, you could say “I really miss my Mom when I cook. It reminds me of her.”
2. I had trouble sleeping last night because I couldn’t stop thinking about Ms. XXX and how she is doing with her husband in the hospital.
3. I love watching XXX because it just makes me laugh.
4. I get so mad when I hear xxx, and it makes me want to…
Or when you would like to clobber your husband/wife when they do something like leave their dirty clothes on the floor of the bedroom, you might actually admit to your frustration in front of your teen. OMG, Mom and Dad are real people!
Often parents believe they must protect their children from strong or negative feelings. Adult issues should be handled separately from the children. But we are talking about teens here. Soon they will be adults, believe it or not. How will they learn how to handle and manage the feelings that come with adulthood if they have no role models? When you admit to having feelings and let them see how you deal with them – the good and the bad – they learn more than any lecture you could give them.
List five feelings you want to share with your teen and how you might share them. If you would like, click here and you can print out a practice sheet to get you thinking.
